27. Uncertainty Is

Certainty seems beyond my reach. My knowledge of the world is always limited, always finite, always subjective. To claim certainty would imply I have somehow managed to transcend these limitations. But this kind of transcendence does not seem possible for a human being like me. There is always some degree of uncertainty that remains in everything I know. To say I am certain would be a lie.

When I am dishonest, I suffer because I am forced to battle with reality itself. I try to live out my lies against reality, but reality is ruthless and it always wins. I want to be certain because I have needs that must be satisfied and satisfying those needs is far more feasible in an environment of relative certainty, where I can know what worked yesterday will also work today. To the extent that I desire my continued existence, I also desire certainty. Anxiety arises whenever I encounter the very real uncertainty that opposes my desire, and so I suffer.

26. The Last One He Will Ever Read

The old clock in the kitchen says it’s almost nine when he finally gets home. He was at work for over ten hours, plus the time to commute there and back. Now, he is exhausted. He showers quickly and eats leftovers from the fridge before collapsing onto the couch. He wants to sleep, but he knows it will be impossible. Despite his exhaustion, his mind refuses to slow down. It is still running at full speed, replaying today’s events and imagining tomorrow’s problems. He considers turning on the TV to distract him. It would give him a virtual world to fall into, a world built out of blitzes of image and sound that would occupy his mind until it finally surrenders and allows him to sleep. But he does not actually want this. He does not want more noise and activity. What he really wants is clarity. But lying here and ruminating on his life does nothing to make things clearer. He needs something to calm his mind. He ponders the problem but finds no solution, and so he decides to stop thinking about it. He will just do something. He picks up a book he has been reading. He opens it and looks at the words and realizes he doesn’t want to read. The book feels burdensome and the text looks oppressive and unwelcoming. Even so, he continues to stare at the page. He finds himself scanning the words, skipping to the place where he left off. He reads without intention, absent of any goal. He does not even know if he will make it beyond this page. He takes in each sentence as though it were the last one he will ever read. He examines it carefully, much more carefully than he ordinarily would, allowing it to fully occupy his mind. He reads it again and again, letting its meaning sink into him. Finally his attention dries up and he moves to the next sentence. And then the next. Eventually he comes across a sentence that is more interesting than the others. It seems to have multiple meanings and he is unable to settle on just one. He starts to take the sentence apart, moving the words around and replacing them with others. He plays this game with the words until his attention finally drifts to the next sentence. He continues on like this, considering everything carefully, imagining the full scope of possibility created by the language. Soon his mind grows tired. He reads only a page or two before he settles into the bliss of dreamful sleep.

25. Critical And Creative

The critical spirit looks at what already exists and questions it. The creative spirit looks beyond what already exists and searches for something new.

The critical spirit compares reality to an ideal. The creative spirit attempts to manifest an ideal by bringing it into reality.

The critical spirit discovers problems and performs investigations. The creative spirit explores possible solutions and performs experiments.

The critical spirit sees particulars as limited and subject to revision. The creative spirit sees the whole as limitless and complete in itself.

24. Shifting Meanings

Language is based on agreement. You and I can communicate only insofar as we agree on the meanings of the words we use. If you judge one of the words to have a different meaning than I judge it to have, then I will not be able to communicate what I intend by using that word. Similarly, if I use a word that has no recognizable meaning for you, then I will not communicate anything at all, since for you it will be literal nonsense.

23. The Right Direction

We put enormous emphasis on optimizing quantities. Our attention is shackled to screens where we make certain numbers go up and other numbers go down. We want to measure everything so that we can control and optimize it. The benefit of this is that we are able to fulfill our material needs more efficiently and with less effort.

But by doing so, we begin to think only about quantities. We create incentives to sacrifice quality in order to obtain better quantitative results. We become so focused on measuring and optimizing, on increasing efficiency and productivity, that we stop thinking about what is happening to us in our day-to-day lives.

22. She Stays Home A Lot

She has many problems but perhaps the biggest is that she is always bored.

The people she knows talk endlessly about the most mundane topics. She doesn’t understand how they can stay interested in these things. The games and the shows and the movies that they find so engaging do nothing for her. It’s just the same thing over and over again, she wants to say. But she doesn’t say anything. She just listens and nods.

21. To Be Concerned With Everything

My attention must be free to wander. But often I inhibit its freedom. I narrowly focus on one task to the exclusion of all else, or I block particular experiences or ideas from my view, or I try to possess and maintain whatever is present.

When I do these things, my attention becomes stuck. My imposed control restrains it. Being stuck is not the same as lingering or being at rest. My attention may rest on a single point, but I need to allow this to happen without force.

20. The Music Of The Text

Writing that is alive evokes powerful feelings of excitement, of anticipation, of concern, and of joy.

Many elements of a text can contribute to the creation of these feelings. Elements like pacing, vocabulary, structure, metaphor, and tension can all play a role. But these are only tools and, if haplessly deployed, they can easily produce something mechanical and barren of life. A text can be furnished with all the markers of good writing and still fall flat. What is it that breathes life into these elements that are otherwise static and unmoving?

19. Reaching For The Unreachable

The body needs contact and it needs intimacy. It needs to touch the world and feel itself to be part of it. It needs to feel itself shared and connected with others. It needs to be recognized as a living thing among other living things.

Deep inside, the body carries memories of contact. As a child: with parents, siblings, relatives, schoolmates. As an adult: with friends, family, lovers. The body remembers contact as a place of comfort, warmth, and joy.