440. Transformational Change

To live better I need to live differently. It might seem obvious that I can only change my life by changing what I do, but I often want to avoid this fact. I might occasionally admit that some kind of change is needed, but the actual action of change does not follow.

My failure to act is evidence of a profound attachment, one that pervades my entire life. It is an attachment to all of the behaviours and habits to which I have become accustomed. Because I am attached to this way of living, I believe that no genuine alternative to it exists. But it is precisely here that change is most needed.

439. Not Just Books

Reading a book exposes us to the experiences of another person. Sometimes we are given these experiences directly, as when we read a memoir or an autobiography. More often, we receive them indirectly, through the content and form of the book, which are shaped by the knowledge and intuitions the author has developed throughout their life.

Not only do we gain new knowledge as we read, we also add to our awareness. Our awareness expands through the experience of reading what the author has created through their own awareness. Such an experience is enormously valuable, for the experiences we can have directly in our own lives will always be a tiny subset of the total experience of humanity. By compressing experience into the medium of language, a book allows us to experience much more than we otherwise could.

438. Letting Go

I am no longer myself. I was, but now I am not. This happens from time to time. I cannot predict when it will happen. Sometimes it happens when I’m walking aimlessly. Sometimes it happens when I’m enjoying a delicious meal. Sometimes it happens when I wake after a restful sleep. I cannot know when it will happen, but it is happening now.

Now, I am other than I was. Of course, I must still be myself and I must still be human. But it is as though I’m living another kind of life. It is a life so at peace and so joyful that it almost doesn’t belong to this world. When I’m like this, I can see that the usual life is not the true life. The true life would be this feeling of peace and joy spread over a lifetime.

437. Natural Disasters

We expect a person’s actions to follow from choices they have made. We do not always expect these choices to be rational or good, but we do expect the person to understand that they have wilfully decided to pursue a particular course of action.

But sometimes the ability to choose is completely impaired by the physical circumstances of the body. In such a situation, a human being cannot choose to do anything and their actions are no different from those of a wild animal. There is no act of will here, as these actions are outside the realm of control and possibly even outside the realm of consciousness. If these actions are also harmful to the person or others, we might consider them a kind of natural disaster. Here the conditions of nature work to produce a particular outcome over which there is no possible control or decision.

436. Moving With Possibility

A sudden and unexpected change in our circumstances can leave us feeling distressed. We thought we knew what our lives would be and we made plans on that basis, but now everything is uncertain. We became comfortable in our routines and habits, only to find that we are now overwhelmed by anxiety and stress.

Without our knowledge, we formed a deep attachment to beliefs about the status quo. We took its regularity for granted, and it now feels like a promise has been broken. We were promised consistency but we received chaos instead. Deep down, we might have known nothing was ever certain, but we never expected to face a change of this magnitude.

435. Final Interpretation

An unprecedented artwork can be difficult to place. Encountering it for the first time, we give it a tentative interpretation, which offers some context and structure to what we are seeing. This provides us with some stability, which allows us to look closer and discover details and complexities we hadn’t noticed before. Often these complicate our initial interpretation, challenging us to consider the artwork in a different light.

Our inclination then might be to posit several interpretations, trying them on one by one to see what fits. Sometimes we will land on one that feels more substantial than the others, and feel assured that we have grasped the meaning of the work. But on other occasions, the artwork will resist any interpretation we give it. Here, our desire for a final and perfect interpretation is thwarted.

434. Suffering Is Loss

All suffering is a kind of loss. I want to escape from suffering, so I try to control my attention and actions towards that goal. But in doing so, I lose the opportunity to reach the more joyful life that I could be living. That this loss occurs only because I’m attached to my own intentions is a tragedy.

I don’t need to suffer, but I do because I’m not well-accustomed to existing as the kind of being that I am. I reflect on my experiences and I automatically judge them to be good or bad, which means I form intentions about the world around me. This entirely ordinary human capability causes me to be sucked into attachment. And the result of attachment is always suffering and the loss of joy. This loss is not valuable. I do not gain anything by suffering more. I’ve already suffered enough to understand suffering, provided I’m willing to examine it.

433. Fighting With Words

His spirits were as low as ever. It had been another day of failure. Another day of effort that amounted to nothing. Another day of being crushed by the written word and the shrinking likelihood of its fruitful deployment. He was trying to write and he was getting nowhere.

He started the day full of hope, full of aspiration, full of the possibility of success. He began writing almost as soon as he got up, working from a vague plan he’d thought up the night before. But right away there was a problem. The sentences he composed did not satisfy him. Worse, they seemed slightly off in a way he could not place. It was as though there was something missing, some aspect that was not being properly captured by the language.

432. Helping Others

Someone has asked you to help meet one of their needs, and you feel like you should do it. Perhaps you feel this way because you have a desire to make them happy, or you want to avoid their anger at failing to help, or simply because you believe you should help when you can. If you are attached to any of these intentions, you will feel motivated to do what has been asked of you.