358. Helpful Illusions

I feel amazing because I am amazing. He speaks this little phrase to himself when he is lacking energy, or when there is something he knows he has to do but his body is offering only resistance and hesitation.

Does he actually feel amazing afterwards? Hardly. Such a simple phrase is unable to lift his spirit so high. Is he, in fact, amazing? This too is doubtful. He thinks of himself as capable and aware, but there’s nothing all that special about him. The effectiveness of the phrase clearly has little to do with reality. But it still does something. By uttering the words, they become, in a way, true for him, even if this is not the kind of truth that can be tested or verified.

The words make him feel like he has some control over the world, like he can somehow shape it with language. He knows any such control is probably an illusion, so he doesn’t push his luck by speaking other phrases that might elevate him further but that also might cause the whole ghastly construction to come tumbling down. Because it would not merely collapse, it would crush him. Of this, there can be little doubt. So he sticks with what he knows, which is his one special phrase.

He doesn’t understand how, but the phrase helps him get past whatever obstacles are blocking his path. Usually these are things like fear or anxiety, feelings telling him it’s better not to act or at least better to stay where it’s warm and comfortable. Sometimes the blockage is definitely regret and at other times he thinks it might be something like despair. As in, not only have his past actions been bad (regret), there’s also little hope of fixing things (despair).

All these little sufferings nag at him, destroying his already questionable ability to take action, sometimes on even the most basic tasks, like tidying the house. But his phrase helps him smash through his feelings and anything else that stands in his way. Once he gets free, he almost always discovers he has more energy than he thought. And sometimes, he might even feel a little amazing too.