148. The Well Of His Mind

He needs to be distracted at all times. His attention has to be completely occupied. If it isn’t, he will be overwhelmed by his own thoughts and feelings. Only when he is distracted does he feel somewhat calm.

In the absence of distraction, he starts to descend. He falls deeper and deeper into the well of his mind, and the darkness is soon too much to bear. Memories arise constantly, memories of horrors he wishes he could forget. Memories of lost people and things he has done, each accompanied by a judgment.

147. Delusional Beliefs

Everyone holds a multitude of different beliefs. Some of these beliefs pertain to simple facts about the world, while others are more complex or even theoretical.

In the ordinary course of life, I will almost certainly discover that one of my beliefs is false. Realizing this, I should discard the false belief, and replace it with a different belief that is more true. But sometimes this doesn’t happen.

Sometimes the false belief is lodged too deeply inside me for it to be quickly evicted. I’ve somehow formed an attachment to this belief. I see it as part of me, and I cannot discard it because that would mean discarding myself. I know the belief is false, but it still influences my choices and actions. It does so in exactly the same way as a superstition might influence me even though I already know it’s fantastical.

146. The Right Kind Of Help

You want to help others in every way you can. When you see people helping in a certain way, you feel you should help in that way, too. If you cannot do this, you begin to feel guilty of being less helpful than you ought to be. Perhaps someone even asks you why you are not helping in that particular way, with the silent implication that only that kind of help is important.

145. Openness To Change

We first learn how to use language through trial and error. By using words and watching the reactions of others, we discover a set of general rules about how and when words should be used. If we vary from these rules, we are quickly corrected by others. In this way, we become competent language users — insiders to the set of agreements that make language possible and practical.

Soon afterwards, we begin to encounter people using words in unfamiliar ways. The same rules we were taught to follow carefully are now being bent or even broken entirely. When we hear this new language, we feel an impulse to correct it or replace it with language that conforms to our rules. We might even complain to others about the new usage and seek confirmation that it is wrong.

144. The Dizziness Of Freedom

You are here and you are not. You are physically here, but you feel out of place. You’re unsure of how to act, of how to exist. You don’t know what to do with yourself. Time is passing but too slowly. You want something to happen, something that will clarify things, something that will show you what you’re supposed to do. But nothing happens. Everything is uncertain. There are no clues pointing to a clear answer. And you’re completely on your own. No one offers any hints. You want someone to save you but no rescue is forthcoming. Asking what to do is no use, for you’re only told that you can do anything you’d like. But you know this isn’t true. The subtext says otherwise. It says there are paths that are right and others that are wrong. You’re supposed to know which is which. You can see you’re being evaluated, even at this very moment. But you don’t know the criteria and they could be anything. Your strongest instinct is to flee. But it’s obvious you can’t run from life itself. You must manage. You must survive. You must contend. This is what you have to do no matter how uncomfortable it feels. For you also have to manage your feelings. You have to navigate your feelings and the world at the same time. You have to locate a path forward through time that gets you from here to there. The path will be narrow and it will be yours alone. The paths of others might look more appealing but they are not for you. Your path will be yours because you will choose it. And in choosing it you will become responsible for it. You will be responsible for everything you do and everything you do not do. Others will see what you have done and they will judge you. To be completely consumed by anxiety is to be always focused on your responsibility and the choices you must make. It is to feel out of place in every moment of life.

143. If Only They Would Look

The studio is always bright in the early morning. She loves when the light comes in like this — a blanket of sun that covers the entire room. It brings the space alive, transforming it from the grungy concrete box that it is into a real place populated by real people who make and share and live. People like her.

Illuminated by the sunlight, the paint-covered walls become intriguing canvases. She feels inspired and wants to pick up a brush and get to work. But today she cannot. There is someone coming to look at some pieces she finished months ago.

142. Expanding Empathy

As my own empathy grows, the lack of empathy shown by others becomes more noticeable. I start to criticize them for being indifferent towards what seems like obvious suffering. I see them as lost in their own ignorance, as unwilling to even try to understand. And if they are particularly callous, I might even go so far as to declare them enemies of all that is right and good.

But when I do any of these things, I fail. Whenever I choose blame or hostility towards another person, I work against the very empathy I claim to support. The lack of empathy and compassion shown by others follows directly from their present situation. As long as they are in the grip of attachment to desires, aversions, and beliefs, their attention will be restricted and their awareness will remain narrow and limited. In such a state, they cannot do anything other than perpetuate suffering.

141. A Warning You Must Heed

You see how the world works and you want it to be different. You know there must be another way. A way that would be more equitable and just. A way that would greatly reduce unnecessary pain and suffering. A way that would provide more joyful and fulfilling lives for everyone. You want this better world but you aren’t sure how to create it.

You find yourself often thinking about the problem, but it always ends in frustration. There doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to create significant change in the world. You might be able to assist those at greatest risk in your own community, but at what personal cost? You would have to witness so much suffering, and even with immense effort you would only be able to alleviate a tiny fraction of their pain. Would you be able to handle that? Wouldn’t it slowly drain everything out of you, until there is nothing left?

140. The Cessation Of Suffering

The liberated body is sensitive to everything that happens in and around it, and it responds immediately in the ways it must. The liberated mind is aware and relaxed, empty of attachment and full of creative energy to solve the problems it encounters. Feelings and thoughts arise regularly but pass with ease. Intuitions born from awareness guide every action towards what is presently most needed. Desires, aversions, and beliefs are present, but there is no identification with them, as the harm of attachment is fully understood.