241. What We Deserve

When we do something helpful, we expect to be rewarded. When we do something harmful, we expect to be punished. We see these outcomes as what we deserve to be given from others. If we’re punished when we’ve done nothing wrong or we’re not given a reward we’ve earned, then we complain to others and demand justice.

We keep track of what we deserve and what others deserve. We feel it’s wrong when another person is given something they don’t deserve. We complain that the reward or punishment they’ve received is not merited. By doing this, we protect and enforce the norms that make up our concept of deserving.

Deserving is an extension of our more general concept of reciprocity, wherein we respond to benefits given to us with benefits, and we respond to harms given to us with harms. An intricate balance of giving and taking is supposed to ensure that everyone ultimately gets what they need.

A problem arises when someone is given something they need but do not seem to deserve. As there is nothing meriting a reward, it can feel like such a gift upsets the usual balance. To give unconditionally simply because there is a need might even feel absurd. We cannot see why we ought to do that, and we might complain when we see it done.

If someone can get something simply because they need it, then our norms seem to be at risk. For why would anyone participate in reciprocity if their needs are already being met? Why would our own merit deserve a reward when deserving itself has been undermined by unconditional gifts? These concerns are pressing and they can cause us not only to oppose unjustified rewards in general, but to avoid giving any such thing to the people around us.

The result is that we bar ourselves from compassion and we perpetuate our own suffering. For compassion is always freely given when need is seen. It requires no merit, as it is neither a reward nor a punishment. It is, in fact, entirely orthogonal to the concept of deserving. To act from compassion is to respond to need solely out of the awareness that it is necessary for needs to be met in order for everyone to live free of suffering.