440. Transformational Change

To live better I need to live differently. It might seem obvious that I can only change my life by changing what I do, but I often want to avoid this fact. I might occasionally admit that some kind of change is needed, but the actual action of change does not follow.

My failure to act is evidence of a profound attachment, one that pervades my entire life. It is an attachment to all of the behaviours and habits to which I have become accustomed. Because I am attached to this way of living, I believe that no genuine alternative to it exists. But it is precisely here that change is most needed.

It is my existing pattern of life that keeps me from seeing what I must do to live more joyfully. To expect things to improve without making changes to this pattern would be foolish. For the improvement I desperately need is not a minor shift towards slightly less stress or slightly more happiness but the total transformation of suffering into joy.

Because suffering arises from attachment to the existing pattern, change is necessary at the most basic level of life. Even so, I do not need to change everything about myself all at once. The transformation must be deep but it can also be gradual. And, in fact, it must be gradual because the awareness that drives change can only be developed through open and free attention to experience, and experience takes time.

By carefully developing the ability to notice when my attention has become stuck, avoidant, or confined, I gain the opportunity to release it. When my attention is set free, I am able to see more of what is needed in and around me, and I will then begin to make the necessary changes to my behaviour and habits. But I must first be willing to loosen my attention, for that is the very first step towards a more joyful life.