225. To Become Better

We generally try to follow the rules because we value the order, predictability, and safety they provide. We also know that a significant deviation from the rules could result in consequences that would make our situation worse.

But strict rule-following can also be harmful. By emphasizing conformity to rules above all else, we tend to become more rigid and mechanical in our actions. We learn to see the path delineated by the rules as the only one available to us, thus limiting our expression and creativity.

Even more importantly, strict rule-following is harmful because it gives us the wrong idea of goodness. It leads us to believe that we become better people by conforming more closely to the rules and by disciplining ourselves and others when we fail to do so. But any set of rules can only be a proxy for goodness and never goodness itself. Our rules are human creations and thus they also exhibit and magnify our flaws. Rather than guaranteeing goodness, conformity can sometimes impede the possibility of goodness.

To become truly better, we must learn to act from compassion. But compassion does not follow any rules and its demands are often unpredictable. Compassion arises from our intuitions of what is needed and necessary in the present moment, which means compassionate actions are frequently bespoke and arbitrary. A person acting from compassion will sometimes also need to take risks that directly oppose what is required by the rules.

This can be counterintuitive when we’re accustomed to rule-following, because it means we cannot simply follow predetermined guidelines. We must instead respond thoughtfully to every unique situation we encounter. We must act with empathy and care towards all others, including those who have harmed us. At the same time, compassion does not roll over for wrongdoers — it will be tough when it must be tough.

Compassion works to meet needs and expand our awareness of ourselves and the world, and it does so regardless of the personal cost. It is through the awareness that compassion brings that we begin to act more and more from compassion and in support of true goodness.