68. To Be Anywhere But Here

She has been listening to him talk without pause for nearly half an hour now. Just when she thinks he’s about to stop, he launches another salvo of words at her. The gala was supposed to be an opportunity to relax, and maybe even have fun, but now she’s trapped, unable to escape from this rain of endless chatter. If he were just anyone, she could’ve walked away or told him to get lost. The problem is that this man is her boss.

When he first approached, she greeted him politely, thinking he was just saying hello before moving on to someone more important. But he stayed parked next to her and the small talk chugged on from one topic to another. Now he’s expounding on the details of a trip he took last fall. Maybe she could handle this better if she weren’t already exhausted from the ceaseless demands of work and life. She could lie and escape but he’s quick to sense a lie. She has to endure.

She feels a desire building inside her. It’s the desire to run, to be anywhere but here. She can feel it growing because her hands and jaw are tensing further with each passing moment. She tries to imagine herself at home, relaxing with a good book and a cup of tea. How pleasant that would be. But then reality presses in and she realizes her daydreaming has only made the tension worse. It has expanded to her chest and the desire feels more like pain.

Her frustration with the situation is intensifying so rapidly that she begins to worry it might be visible on her face. What if her boss realizes she thinks he’s an utter bore? A terrifying thought. This new worry compounds the tension to an almost unbearable level. She needs to do something — but what?

Other than making a scene and potentially risking her job, her only option seems to be to let go. She has to stop fighting and surrender to her present reality. She hates the idea, but she can’t think of anything else. As silently as she can, she takes a deep breath, while nodding at her boss who is still talking ad nauseam. She focuses on the present, on the tightness she is feeling and the words she is hearing.

She tries to let go of everything, including her desire to be free. She is only here. She is only now. Nothing outside this moment exists. She holds this peaceful thought in mind as the deluge of words continues to wash over her. All of this is nothing, she realizes. It comes and then it goes. Her body begins to loosen as though the world has slipped off her like a silk robe. Perhaps she can endure this trial after all.