196. The Only Way Is Trust

For a community to function, we have to trust that our agreements with others will hold. We have to believe that others will be where they have agreed to be and will do the things they have agreed to do.

To believe the opposite would not be practical. It would mean we would have to monitor other people constantly, just to ensure they uphold their agreements. We would always be worried that the other is about to betray us. We would retreat into ourselves, relying on nothing but our own perceptions, judgments, and feelings. We would quickly become paranoid about others, about our community, and even about the world itself.

This is bad enough, but a lack of trust can have even more dire consequences. For when we do not trust, we also encourage others not to trust, and this mutual lack of trust encourages everyone to betray their agreements. We would then try to be the first to cheat, because that would give us the advantage over the other. This would happen not just in material transactions but also in our personal relationships.

If I do not trust you, then I encourage you not to trust me, and the foundation of our relationship is corrupted. For the foundation is nothing other than reciprocity: what you give to me, I must give back to you. If you give me your trust, then I face a choice. I can trust you back, or I can decide that you cannot be trusted and monitor everything you do. But if you discover my lack of trust, then the relationship collapses, as I have not returned what you gave to me.

I might claim it’s not prudent to trust someone I don’t know well, but this does nothing. It is precisely the willingness to disregard prudence that makes trusting possible in the first place. And the simple fact is that I have failed to return your trust, which was freely given to me. The only way for the relationship to work is for me to trust that you will honour our agreements, despite the uncertainty I feel.