42. The Heart of Compassion

Empathy is the heart of compassion. If I cannot empathize with you, then I cannot see what you need and I will not be inclined to help you fulfill that need. And as compassion is action to meet needs, I cannot possibly act from compassion when I cannot empathize. If I can already see that compassionate action is necessary to bring an end to my own suffering, then I must learn how to empathize with everyone I encounter.

I have to allow myself to see the experiences of others — their desires and worries, the beliefs they hold about the world, the wide variety of feelings they have, and so on. My own experience is necessarily limited because I am only one person. There is only so much that a single person can do in their own lifetime, so there will be many experiences I will never personally have.

To develop greater empathy, I must grow out of my narrow experience of life and into the varied experiences of diverse others. In practice, what this means is allowing myself to see all the connections between my own thoughts, feelings, and experiences and those of other people. I do this by listening to others, reading about their experiences, engaging with artworks that express their feelings and ideas, and so on.

When I am able to see how their experiences connect to my own, it is then possible for me to understand what they are going through as though it were my own experience. It is this shared experiencing that is empathy.

When I experience someone’s suffering through empathy, I see that it is no different from the suffering I experience in my own life. When I see someone’s need as my own need, I act to fulfill that need as much as I act to fulfill my own needs. It is precisely this action that is compassion.