12. The Eternal Now

It feels like time is my enemy. I only have so much of it, and every moment that passes is one I will never get back. I can see how much time has passed without being used well, and in noticing this a feeling of regret follows. It feels like time is taking something from me and I can do nothing to stop it. It feels like I am being swallowed by an infinite abyss.

Whereas time is seemingly infinite, my existence is finite and the world is always moving towards a day where my personal experience of it will be extinguished. Though I must be aware of this fact, thinking about it too much is harmful. When I focus on how time can be well or poorly used, I overanalyze my past actions and overplan my future actions, instead of paying attention to my present experience. Giving all of my attention to the present means being responsive to what is actually happening to me in this moment, and not what has happened nor what will happen.

When I am fully attuned to the present, I see that all things change. Entities come in and out of existence, and the same is true for me. I am as impermanent as everything else. My subjectivity exists right now but it will not exist in the future. But there is also more to me than this subjectivity. There is the rest of the universe, of which I am a continuous part. The nondistinction of all things, the total unity that transcends the categories of conventional language, extends also to me.

In reminding myself of these things, I grow towards a greater awareness of time. I learn to accept the passage of time and that all things change. When I do not fight to preserve the past or to seek an ideal future, I am able to devote myself to the present.

When I am totally present, I am able to be — right here, in this moment, the eternal now.