22. She Stays Home A Lot

She has many problems but perhaps the biggest is that she is always bored.

The people she knows talk endlessly about the most mundane topics. She doesn’t understand how they can stay interested in these things. The games and the shows and the movies that they find so engaging do nothing for her. It’s just the same thing over and over again, she wants to say. But she doesn’t say anything. She just listens and nods.

She goes for walks around the city and everything she sees is dull. It’s the same city every day, the same streets, the same parks, the same shops. She goes to events that look exciting and sometimes they actually are. But everyone ignores her at these things. There is no contact — nothing she can hold on to, nothing she can build from. Even if she gets lucky and meets someone new, the conversation devolves quickly and she is back where she started. It happens and then it’s over. And now she’s bored again.

She thinks the world is not supposed to be boring and feels bad for finding it so. She thinks there must be something wrong with her. Why is she like this when everyone else is having a good time?

She stays home a lot, reading thick books and watching old films. She loves art because it displays intelligence and depth, and literature for the same reason. These are the only things she has found that do not bore her. But what is the point of all this reading and watching and listening? There must be some purpose to it.

She wonders if the point is to make something herself, so she dabbles in writing short stories. But nothing she writes is any good. When she shows her work to others they do not seem to appreciate it. She wonders if she just needs more practice or if she should try something else. Maybe she could write poems. Or try her hand at illustration.

She wishes she had someone she could talk to about these things. Someone just as interested in art as she is. Someone who could help her grow. Someone who sees the beauty that she sees. Someone who is just as bored as she is of all that is ordinary and normal.