305. Resisting Compassion

Sometimes I can see what I need to do and still refuse to do it. When this happens, it feels like I’m divided into two sides: a side that sees and a side that resists.

For the side that sees, there is no conflict. I can see an important need in myself or in another person, and this has caused an intuitive response to arise from awareness. This intuitive response feels powerful and the action it demands appears necessary. It tells me clearly what I need to do, and I feel I really must do it.

But the side that resists does not agree. Here, the intuitive action looks like one possible option, which means it can be evaluated and compared with alternatives. I start thinking about how much time and resources it will take. I think about the consequences of doing it. I think about the other actions I could take instead, in particular those that would better satisfy one of my intentions. For this side, there is only doubt. I want to find reasons that undermine the necessity of the intuitive response. I want to show myself that it is contingent and thus entirely optional, which means I could do something else instead.

From this it is easy to see how compassion can be ignored and suffering allowed to expand. It happens because I allow myself to be distracted by the intentions to which I am attached. In particular, I’m allowing my attachments to pleasure and productivity to undermine my intuitions. But these intuitions have arisen from awareness of need, and as such, the actions they demand are the most compassionate ones I could possibly take in this moment.

The solution to this problem is both simple and difficult: my awareness has to become even broader and deeper than it already is. With greater awareness, I will be more sensitive to my intuitions and the feeling of necessity will be too strong to be overwhelmed by doubt. I will see that compassionate action is the only hope I have of overcoming suffering for myself and others. Then I will no longer be divided into sides, but unified in seeing both what is needed and what must be done.