187. Productivity And Compassion

When I feel I’m not making enough progress, I can easily become frustrated. This is especially true when the source of the delay is my own carelessness. I’ve been doing something other than what I should be doing, and now I’m behind schedule. Often the problem is simply that I’ve been distracted by something that has taken my attention away from my task. Seeing the amount of time I’ve lost, I judge myself harshly.

My response to this judgment might be to force myself to do what I’m required to do. This happens because I believe I must control myself in order to accomplish the task that I believe is important. My attachment to these beliefs causes me to treat myself like a machine that must complete a certain amount of work over a certain amount of time. As a result, I withhold compassion from myself, my needs go unmet, and I suffer.

If I held my beliefs about productivity more loosely, I could allow for the possibility of compassion. But this would also mean allowing my attention to be open and free, which might mean I concentrate less on my task. Liberated attention goes where it is most needed, and this might not be the same place as my schedule says it should go. Practical reason itself is concerned with completing goals within a given system of rules and structures, but it is precisely the requirements of such a system that can produce suffering.

By allowing my attention to be free in the way necessary for compassion to arise, I will likely make less progress on my task. I will suffer less, but I might also find myself at a material disadvantage. Still, with the energy saved from reduced suffering, I gain the new possibility of creative action that can help me solve my material problems without incurring further suffering.