311. Painful Awareness

The growth of awareness can be painful to experience. We often have to look at things we’d rather not look at, the very things that cause us the most anguish and distress.

We have to look at these things because they are part of ourselves and our world, and it is our attention to both self and world that allows our awareness to grow. We have to look at them because we cannot choose what exists, and it is our openness to everything that allows our awareness to grow. We have to look at them because avoiding them would be to lie to ourselves about our reality, and it is our honesty that allows our awareness to grow.

So we look and we sometimes feel pain from this very simple act. A consequence is that we can silently develop an aversion to looking because we do not want to feel even more pain. We might believe we lack the energy necessary to take in that part of the world, so we deny ourselves the empathy that would push us to towards those actions we do not feel capable of taking.

We think it’s enough to value the truths, relationships, and people that also cause us to feel pain. We think we can save others from their suffering with only the actions that follow from our care for them. But while valuing and caring are important, they are not nearly enough. The problem with only wanting someone’s well-being is that we remain trapped in the narrow nexus of desire and attachment. The energy needed to act instead from compassion is then consumed by our efforts to satisfy our intentions and escape from the suffering they produce.

To bring an end to our suffering and become energetic again, we need to see our attachments and their relationship to the suffering we experience. But this means we have to pay the price of awareness. We have to accept the pain that comes with seeing more of ourselves and the world as a fundamental part of the path towards a more joyful life.