383. Never Hold Back

Whatever happens, she never holds back. She always speaks everything she feels as sincerely as she can. She doesn’t see any point in doing less. She could try to pretend to be something she’s not — maybe then she would be more liked and accepted. But what good would that appreciation and acceptance bring? Wouldn’t it mean that she’d have to continue playing the character others expect her to be?

No, she has to express herself in full. She’d rather be honest and let people ignore her if they don’t like what she has to say. For her, this provides an automatic filter. Anyone unable to tolerate her sincerity won’t make it through, which means she’ll be free of them and them of her.

Of course, she also knows too much honesty in the wrong places can cause harm. She tries to minimize this by avoiding those who are not as open and sincere as she is. She knows that there are many who need the protection of masks and they will not respond well to someone like her.

But in general, she feels there isn’t any purpose in forming relationships where there’s anything less than total honesty. Complete openness and unrelenting sincerity is what makes her life exciting. For living like this means she’s always taking risks.

She follows her intuitions wherever they lead her, and if they tell her to take a gamble, she goes for it. If she meets someone she likes, she doesn’t keep anything back. She makes all of her feelings known, even though she might get hurt. She accepts the risk because she trusts everything will work out the way it’s supposed to work out. If the other person doesn’t like her, then it wasn’t meant to be. The loss is sometimes painful, but she wouldn’t have it any other way.

When she does manage to connect with someone, she immediately knows it’s real. She knows this because she has been honest, and her own honesty helps her see it in others too. The connections she forms are powerful and they fill her with an excitement that makes her feel truly alive. And this feeling reminds her again and again that it’s best not to hold to back.