58. Living Means
Faced with the prospect of living, he wants to run.
Living means getting up early and having barely enough time to eat breakfast before his ninety-minute commute to work.
Living means working fifty hours per week at a job that isn’t difficult but bores him to death.
Living means figuring out how to help his sister with her money/boyfriend/job problems without involving their parents because he knows they will do nothing but worry and complain.
Living means he’s lucky if he gets an hour to relax in the evening before bed and then not being able to sleep because his mind won’t stop running.
Living means trying to follow the news and not understanding what it actually means, but having the vague feeling that everything is going to be worse in the future.
Living means working a second job for an extra twenty hours per week so he can afford to pay the rent in a neighbourhood that isn’t entirely terrible.
Living means driving in heavy traffic for three hours each way to visit his parents, which he tries to do at least once a month.
Living means trying to find someone on a dating app that reduces him to a handful of images, and then finally meeting the one person who responds to his messages before they disappear after two weeks.
Living means the only time he actually enjoys himself is when he has some time off to do absolutely nothing except eat, watch movies, and play video games.
Living means his friends have all moved to other cities or countries, to chase money, lovers, or something else, something undefined, something like happiness, which he doesn’t think he really knows.
Living means not being able to get a better job because he rarely has time to send out his resume, and even when he does, there is no response.
Living means thinking of an excuse to tell his mom so that he doesn’t have to visit this month, not because he doesn’t want to, but because he needs time to relax.
Living means he can’t stop thinking about how nothing seems to end, how everything just keeps going and going, grinding him down more and more, with nothing better in sight.
Faced with the prospect of living, he wants to run.