231. Liberation From Suffering

To become free of suffering, I first need to see how it originates. But this is not as straightforward as it might seem. I cannot simply understand rationally what it means for suffering to arise, in the words of my language. I have to investigate my own experience of suffering and observe how that unique experience arises from its sources.

These sources are the intentions we call by the names of desire, aversion, and belief. I must see the suffering that arises, for example, from a specific desire. When I can see how my attachment to that particular desire causes a particular kind of suffering, for example, stress, then I’m beginning to see it fully.

Once I’ve seen the source, it’s logical to think I can also eliminate it: if the source of my suffering is a desire for something, why not simply stop desiring that thing? But I cannot possibly get rid of all of my desires, and any one of them could easily become a locus of attachment.

I must allow the sources of suffering to exist, while also becoming liberated from the suffering they can produce. The only way to do this is to alter my relationship with the sources. I cannot allow myself to remain attached to them. I cannot allow myself to identify with them, to see myself as the things I desire or believe. I must come to see myself as the empty subject of experience, an entity separate from the objects of my intentions.

Still, this is all just words. To actually do this in practice is an enormous challenge. It requires my attention to be so free and open that I can see the entire process of how suffering arises from the vast web of attachments in me and in others. It is allowing for this openness and freedom of attention that is the main task of expanding awareness.

As my awareness grows, I will experience moments of freedom from suffering. This happens because I’ve become liberated from an intention I was once attached to by seeing its connection to suffering. With further attention and the awareness that comes through it, my ability to remain liberated will continue to improve. I may never reach total freedom from suffering, but I must still work towards it, both for myself and for the benefit of all living beings.