127. Judgments And Anxiety

When a friend is feeling anxious, I listen to their concerns and I do my best to empathize with them. If I judge the worrisome situation differently than they do, I try to make them feel better by showing them that the outcome will be better than they think. Sometimes this helps to lessen their anxiety, provided they come around to seeing things as I do.

My friend’s anxiety is a kind of suffering that arises from attachment. They have become attached to their desire to avoid a future outcome they have foreseen. This intention arose because they judged that this particular outcome will be bad for them. By showing them that the outcome will be better than they think, I provide them with a counter judgment. When they release their hold on the original judgment and substitute the counter judgment, the intention dissolves and so does the anxiety produced by their attachment to it.

I can also apply a similar strategy on myself. When I’m feeling anxious, I can locate the judgment I’m attached to, and try to imagine a counter judgment where there is a better outcome. This is more difficult than when I have someone else to confidently provide me with an alternative. My imagined counter judgment might feel too absurd for it to dislodge my original judgment and dissolve the problematic intention.

Even so, all is not lost. If I can’t replace my original judgment, I can still release my attachment to it by learning to see it differently. From my current perspective, the judgment is part of me, and I must judge the future outcome as I have. I see it this way because I’m the creator of the judgment and I’ve reflectively endorsed it. But an absurd counter judgment is clearly not me. I immediately recognize it is separate from me, like it belongs to someone else. And yet it is no different in kind from my original judgment.

Both the original and counter judgments are objects separate from me, the experiencing subject. I do not need to identify with either of them. When I’m able to adopt this perspective, I allow myself distance from both judgments, and in doing so I also release myself from the attachment and the suffering of anxiety.