249. Harsh Judgments

Where my values are strongest, my judgments will be harshest. When I see someone behaving in a way that feels not just wrong but repugnant, I cannot accept it. It’s contrary to everything I believe is right and good, and so I feel obligated to respond.

My response might be nothing more than a verbal reprimand to the wrongdoer. Or I might want to seek out some kind of punishment for the wrongdoing, to remind the other that their actions have real consequences. In extreme cases, I might even want to banish the wrongdoer from my community, in order to keep it safe from harm.

I feel justified in choosing these responses because I believe my values are the right ones. But the problem with harshly applying my own rules is that I also reduce the set of people with whom I can find commonality. I limit the scope of my possible community by preemptively disallowing its expansion. By doing so, I can end up harming not just outsiders, but also the existing members of my community, casting them out when they make mistakes or simply when they choose differently than I would.

I might proudly claim that I’m merely maintaining the high moral standards of my community, but this will only serve to further entrench me against outsiders and cause me to ignore compassion. I must recognize that all of the norms and rules I support are contingent entities. They might be more just or more rational than the norms of others but they are still only conventions and not ultimate truths.

I must accept that others are often unaware of the harm they are causing and that helping them develop their awareness will require me to tolerate deviations from my own rules and values. This does not mean I cannot also have rules I enforce strongly, where contravention will not be tolerated, but it does mean I need to try to keep that set as small as possible. I need to do this just to gain the opportunity to spread the awareness that can prevent the wrongdoing that upsets me from continuing.