406. Growing Empathy

At some point during childhood, we first realize that the people around us have experiences just like ours. We notice that the same things that cause us pain also seem to cause them pain. In this way, we begin to develop empathy for the people closest to us, which means that when they suffer, we feel their suffering as if it were our own. We see them not as truly other, but as part of us.

With further life experience, our sphere of empathy usually expands to include our friends and members of our community. We see the differences between us and them as less important than what is shared, and our solidarity broadens to include them. Sometimes our empathy continues to grow in this way until it encompasses all of humanity or even all living beings.

But sometimes our empathy is stunted and remains limited to those in our immediate circle. This is a problem, because we cannot act from compassion when we are unable to empathize with others. It is through empathy that we become capable of intuiting needs, and compassion is action to meet needs. Compassion is also the only way to bring an end to our suffering and create joy in its place.

If we recognize the value of ending our suffering, then we must find a way to grow our empathy so that it can reach all others. Fortunately, this is far from impossible. Greater empathy can always be cultivated, regardless of how old we are or the past experiences we’ve had. All that is necessary is for our awareness of others to broaden so that we can begin to grasp the fullness of their humanity.

We’ve become attached to certain aversions or beliefs about certain others, and these attachments have stopped us from seeing our connection to them. To loosen our attachments, we first must discover what they are. We might be attached to aversions like distrust or even hatred, or to beliefs about our own superiority — a kind of pride that elevates us above others.

It is when our attention is open and free that our curiosity about others can take the lead. We will then be drawn to explore their experiences, by talking to them, by reading their stories, by exploring their culture and art. Doing these things will reveal the profound similarities that exist between us. There is always more that is the same in our experience than different, and seeing this will encourage more empathetic intuitions to germinate in us.