250. Exploring Discomfort

There’s something bothering me that I can’t understand. It’s a thought, or it’s a memory, or maybe it’s an intuition. When I try to think about it, it seems too complex to describe, too faint to see, too indistinct to capture. The feelings that surround it are nebulous and imprecise. I want to see what it is, but I don’t even know where it begins or ends, or what form it might take.

Beleaguered by my inability to reach the thing, my only hope is to express everything that surrounds it, and see what happens. Through the effort of creative action, something will appear. What that something will be, I cannot say, but this does not mean it’s not worth the effort. By attempting to express myself, I create an opportunity for the thing that is currently beyond my understanding to become real.

As I create, I’m forced to make choices. I see what I’ve already done and I add to it or subtract from it as I feel necessary. I layer on more and more of what is in me with each choice, and through this process, form and content begin to appear.

By expressing myself through art, I make my discomfort real, and I allow myself to see it for the first time. Perhaps by seeing it I’ll also learn more about it, or perhaps not. For if the object I create is truly new, I might not know how to grapple with it. I might not even see what value it could possibly have.

If I’m lucky, I’ll see some truth and beauty in my creation, and maybe then I’ll realize what I was trying to understand. I might also discover that it has not one but multiple meanings. This newly revealed multiplicity can inspire me to create further, in order to explore this new space of possibility.

Just as my creation can change my understanding, it can also benefit others. For they too might see some truth and beauty in it, and through this discover a new realm of meaning for themselves. In this way, every creative act simultaneously helps me and others towards a greater awareness of both self and world.