73. Everything That Is Happening

It seems like he is always reading the news. He checks it at least ten or twelve times a day now. He knows it’s becoming a bit much. But there is so much happening in the world and it all feels important.

New pathogens are migrating between species. The local government is in disarray. The climate is becoming more and more extreme. Elections are happening here and then there. New methods of digital surveillance are emerging. Resources are being consolidated by a small group of oligarchs.

He scrambles to stay on top of all of this. He feels obligated to stay informed. But the more he thinks about everything that is happening, the more his head spins. He wants to understand it all, but how? There is simply too much information. And what advantage does understanding give him?

Control is what he wants most. The feeling of being in control. Or at least the sense that the impacts of the approaching calamities can be controlled. As though they are not going to crush him and everything he loves. As though there is a way to prevent the worst from happening. That there might not be is what scares him the most.

This fear of bad things happening is driving him. He is willing to admit this when he is most honest with himself. The control he wants is just a means to manage the fear. But the fear also seems unmanageable. Everything he reads makes him more and more anxious. And what comes out of his anxiety? Does he do anything differently because of it?

He tries to be responsive to what he learns, to make changes where he can, and to contribute solutions whenever possible. But does this require him to be so deeply engrossed in the details as he presently is? Wouldn’t he learn more than enough by reading the news for thirty minutes each morning?

He knows he has to stop. He can’t go on like this, ceaselessly seeking more and more information. It’s consuming his entire life. It has become an obsession. He has to make a change. He knows all of this, but it still feels impossible to do anything differently.