88. Disasters And Delusions

Everything is always getting worse. This is the thought he keeps having over and over again. The foundation is crumbling. The tension is becoming unbearable. The world itself feels only months from some kind of collapse. And when he looks at the people around him he sees more anxiety, more stress, and more uncertainty than ever before. The problem itself is huge and unfathomable — a beast outside the scope of his comprehension and well beyond the reach of his control. It’s not one thing but many things amplifying each other to produce a maelstrom of incredible proportions. To maintain a modest degree of mental stability he has trained himself to disregard anything he cannot control, and so he does nothing about it. Instead he distracts himself with whatever he can find — anything that will fully absorb his attention. This way he not only avoids thinking about the problem, he avoids thinking altogether. Embraced by the safety of immediate pleasure, his mind is adequately soothed, transforming the real world into a distant concern. But he can’t always keep it this way. He is forced back to reality because he has a body with needs, which means he has to work in order to survive. He is required to watch the catastrophe unfold despite his best efforts. He tries not to fight what he sees. It’s coming no matter what, so there is little point in fighting. Perhaps it will not be so bad. He repeats these words to keep himself calm. But sometimes calm is out of the question and he gets carried away in a frenzy of thought. He then feels he can only surrender and accept the inevitable. He tries to be excited by the thought of total disaster — everything would change and that could be interesting. He can’t deny there would be pain and suffering beyond imagination, but he tries to tell himself it would be others who would bear the brunt of it. He and his loved ones would be okay. When he is more languid and therefore honest he admits the disaster would probably consume him too. He will not be spared. But he wonders if maybe even that could be exciting in its own way. For it would mean his life would be changed completely. And that means he would have a chance to be more than he presently is. He would be freed from this bleak world that is always holding him back from his true potential. To have a life with real purpose and meaning… Wouldn’t that be so much better than this excuse for an existence he is currently living?