257. Anxiety To Conform

We want everyone to conform to the norms of society because we are deeply concerned for our safety and the safety of our loved ones. A lack of conformity suggests the possibility of social disruption or at least change, and we are suspicious of this because we cannot know what such an uncertain process might mean for us. We push for conformity and we enforce it by ensuring those who do not conform are reprimanded, ostracized, or otherwise punished.

Fear of harms that could arise from a changing world is an automatic reaction to the possibility of danger. It would be foolish to expect this fear not to arise. But when we project our fear into the future, it can transform into an intention to avoid and oppose any action that might encourage change. Attachment to this intention produces anxiety — the perpetual worry that change will corrupt the order that is keeping us safe.

This worry only grows in strength when we are regularly told that conformity is the only way to avoid the changes we most dread. Sometimes it becomes so strong that we develop the belief that even the smallest deviation from our norms will lead to total ruin. Dominated by this intense anxiety, we fall back on hierarchies, we obey the commands of authority figures, and we enforce our rules on others with brutal precision.

If someone sees injustice in our harsh behaviour, we quickly label them an outsider in need of punishment. This is especially true when we know deep down that the naysayers are right. We can see the wrongness of our own actions, but we are too profoundly controlled by our own anxiety to change course.

In this situation, it becomes nearly impossible for us to act from compassion, even though it is compassion that we most desperately need. When we receive compassion, we are given temporary freedom from our anxiety. This is the opportunity we need to stop reacting to our immediate circumstances and see that a better way forward is possible.