268. A Drastic Change

He finally managed to get away from it all, to be free from everything and everyone. He has two weeks in another world. He feels loose and playful. He suddenly has so much time on his hands, and he finds himself imagining all of the things he could do on his trip.

But instead of actually doing any of it, he decides to do nothing at all. He wants to enjoy the rest and relaxation he has earned. Even so, his mind continues to work. He discovers that he has interesting thoughts and ideas that he didn’t seem to have before. He begins to carry a notebook with him wherever he goes, writing everything down and making plans for his return.

The future now feels promising. It offers options and possibilities, new pathways that he couldn’t see before. He has realized that he needs to make big changes. He cannot possibly return to his tired old life. He can’t go back because he has been transformed into something more.

He feels wholly refreshed, as if he’s been given a new life. Everything is now exciting and he finds himself doing things he wouldn’t ordinarily do, talking to people he used to ignore, and pursuing activities he once thought too risky.

At the end of the two weeks, he can hardly recognize himself. Still, he knows he must be the same person he has always been. He knows he’ll have to continue doing many of the things he used to do and live in a way similar to how he used to live.

When he returns home, these facts are made perfectly clear. For he has also returned to his responsibilities, and he slides easily into the grooves of his old life. There is so much he has to do and his days are once again dominated by obligation.

The plans he made before now seem impossible — nothing more than the fantasies of a person who doesn’t actually exist. Why did he think he could change his life so drastically? Doing only what he feels he must, his efforts leave him completely exhausted. There’s simply no time or space to do anything differently.

He is forced to accept the crushing realization that he hasn’t changed at all. He’s stuck with himself, the person he has always been. To truly transform seems to require something more, something he has not discovered and cannot yet imagine.