188. To Be Always More

She is standing alone when a man approaches and says hello. He looks altogether harmless, so she returns the greeting. They’re at a social event and meeting new people is what you’re supposed to do.

He tells her that he likes her earrings. She smiles and thanks him. He asks her if she’s enjoying the event, and she says that she is. She doesn’t ask any questions in return. She’s terrible at thinking of questions. The burden thus falls to him.

187. Productivity And Compassion

When I feel I’m not making enough progress, I can easily become frustrated. This is especially true when the source of the delay is my own carelessness. I’ve been doing something other than what I should be doing, and now I’m behind schedule. Often the problem is simply that I’ve been distracted by something that has taken my attention away from my task. Seeing the amount of time I’ve lost, I judge myself harshly.

186. Words Say Too Much

The problem with language is that it always says too much. This is especially true when we’re trying to talk about how we feel. Our words come out sounding like a solemn declaration of fact, as though the emotions we’re describing are substantial, permanent, and unchanging, when they might be none of these things.

Perhaps our words only describe how we’re feeling at this one moment in time. Perhaps the feeling will have vanished in the next hour, the next day, or the next month. Perhaps the feeling doesn’t have the mass our words seem to grant it. Perhaps it is only meagre and small.

185. Endless Desire

You have a desire you cannot completely satisfy. You might be able to partly fulfill it, either now or in the future, but it will continue to exist because it is endless. You want more and more of the thing and you’ll never be fully satisfied with only some of it.

But there will come a day when you can no longer even partly fulfill your desire. Then you’ll be forced to admit you’ve done as much as you can, and this is as far as you’ll go. The desire will stick around even after you realize this, and you’ll have to accept its lack of further satisfaction for the rest of your life.

184. Rules And Rebellions

When there is a rule that feels wrong or harmful, we might rebel against it. A tension has formed between us and the rule. The rule says we ought to do something, but we can see it’s better to act in another way. Our first response is usually to complain about the rule, in the hope that others will agree with us and then the rule can be changed or removed. But if this fails, we might decide to disregard the rule, and behave as though it no longer exists.

183. Until I No Longer Can

Another hour has vanished. I stare at the clock in disbelief, but the time is correct. An entire hour is gone, and I have done nothing. Time is passing quickly not because I’m fruitfully occupied but because I’m completely distracted.

My mind is in the grip of a single thought and all of its efforts are directed towards examining, exploring, and investigating that thought. It is the thought that something is missing. I do not know what this something is or even what it could be. My inability to pin it down is part of the problem. When I try to locate it, I get nowhere. Everything I come up with only circles this unknown point.

182. The Urge To Reciprocate

If you tell someone you like them and they immediately respond by telling you they also like you, there are two possibilities. The first is what you’re hoping for: they genuinely appreciate you and they feel the same as you do about them. The second is much less desirable: they have not considered their feelings, and when they’re forced to quickly do so, they return your words as nothing more than a friendly platitude.

181. There Is Always A Choice

For every situation I find myself in, I’m faced with a number of possible options. It’s up to me to choose among them and decide what I will do. Sometimes it feels like there is no choice, or like the choice has already been made for me. I have to remind myself this is never true. There are always options. There is always a choice.

When it feels like there is no choice it’s because something is weighing me down. It’s influencing me so heavily that I feel I cannot possibly go against it. If I’m paying attention to the forces that are at work in me, I can notice when this happens and respond. I can allow myself to imagine alternatives. I can posit them as real possibilities. I can investigate what might happen if I were to choose one.

180. Not Like Us

You’ve done something I consider wrong. Your actions aren’t criminal but I still find them reprehensible. I tell you that what you’ve done is wrong, but you ignore me and you keep doing it. I cannot accept this and I feel I must distance myself from you. You are bad and I am not. You are not like me at all.

You are someone I cannot work with. You are someone I can only fight. You are my enemy, and the best I can hope for is to defeat you and bring an end to your wrongdoing. I will work with others who are like me and who agree with me that you must be stopped. Together we will form a group to oppose you and anyone like you. For you are not like us. You are outside of what is included in us.