174. Predicting Experiences

You’re thinking of trying something you’ve never done before, so you start looking for information about it. You want to learn as much as you can before you actually try it. You investigate every aspect and every detail until you have a strong understanding. Now you can imagine how it will go once you do it. You can see yourself doing it and you have an idea of how you’ll feel during and after. You’ve developed a complete prediction of your future experience and you believe this is what will happen.

173. The Rebel

She was always getting in trouble for breaking the rules. As a child, she was regularly reprimanded, by both parents and teachers. She was a source of infinite frustration for them, as she always did whatever she wanted to do instead of what they told her to do.

Her “problem” was that she could not bring herself to do something simply because another person told her to do it. Their commands never seemed to carry any force for her, even when she knew she would be punished. The only time she did what someone wanted was when their rules happened to align with what she was already going to do anyway.

172. Hidden Attachments

When I want something, I set an intention to get it. I then manage and control myself towards fulfilling the intention. My attention and actions become more narrow and rigid because I’m focused on my goal. When I accidentally do something that undermines my intention, I get angry at myself for lacking self-control. I worry about anything that might cause the object of my desire to become less attainable. And if I discover it actually has become unattainable, I might fall into despair.

171. You Have To Change

The world is telling you that you have to change. It tells you in a multitude of ways. It tells you through the suffering you experience. It tells you through the consequences of your actions. It tells you through the words spoken by others. Change, they say, change to become more like us and everything will be better for you.

The world is not wrong about this. The more stubborn you are, the more pain it will dish out. If you do not pay attention to its signals, the world cannot treat you well. Sensing this, you feel compelled to conform, to abandon those parts of yourself that do not seem to fit. You want to optimize yourself for the world and its ways in order to minimize the pain you feel.

170. A Real Artist

You’re an artist, or at least you thought you were. You’ve been making things for as long as you can remember. Always experimenting, always trying something new, always creating. Along with the making, you try to share your creations whenever you can. Sometimes people love them, and sometimes they don’t say much at all.

Your own feelings about your work shift constantly. Sometimes you feel an almost obsessive love for your creations. Sometimes you feel nothing but vague indifference. And sometimes you are your own harshest critic.

169. Goodness Is Generosity

When someone wrongs me, I might respond in a variety of different ways. I might return the harm in an attempt to quickly resolve the injustice. I might reprimand the wrongdoer and demand they do better. I might seek formal justice through the systems that have authority in my community. I might opt for a compassionate response that aims to prevent the wrong from happening again by helping the wrongdoer see the harm of their actions.

168. The Sound Of Sleep

The sound of seagulls chattering at dawn. A squawking call building gradually in the first, followed by the response of others forming a strident chorus.

The sound of the bathroom exhaust fan. A steady purr mixed with a pulsing rhythm, going on and on and on, until suddenly the switch is flipped.

The sound of a horn brought forth by an angry driver. First one small burp, then two more in quick succession, followed by the long, steady shout of total infuriation.

167. Suffering And Solipsism

I go out into the world and I suffer. I suffer because it is too cold and the rain never ends. I suffer because there is too much work and so little time. I suffer because other people misunderstand me. I suffer because there is too much noise. I suffer because I have to respond to the endless demands of others. I suffer because everything is more expensive than before. I suffer because my friends are too busy for me. I suffer because people do not pay attention. I suffer because I desperately want everything to be different than it is.

166. Finding Freedom

To be freed from a prison seems to offer great hope. We leave an environment of strict rules and order for one full of freedom and opportunity. We are now able to pursue the things we want. We now have a chance to find happiness. We now have an opportunity to become so much more than we were before.

We think happiness is likely because we expect it to follow from the satisfaction of our desires. When we were constrained by rules and structures, there was no possibility of such satisfaction, and so we suffered as a result. Now that we believe ourselves free, our desire begins to blossom.