144. The Dizziness Of Freedom

You are here and you are not. You are physically here, but you feel out of place. You’re unsure of how to act, of how to exist. You don’t know what to do with yourself. Time is passing but too slowly. You want something to happen, something that will clarify things, something that will show you what you’re supposed to do. But nothing happens. Everything is uncertain. There are no clues pointing to a clear answer. And you’re completely on your own. No one offers any hints. You want someone to save you but no rescue is forthcoming. Asking what to do is no use, for you’re only told that you can do anything you’d like. But you know this isn’t true. The subtext says otherwise. It says there are paths that are right and others that are wrong. You’re supposed to know which is which. You can see you’re being evaluated, even at this very moment. But you don’t know the criteria and they could be anything. Your strongest instinct is to flee. But it’s obvious you can’t run from life itself. You must manage. You must survive. You must contend. This is what you have to do no matter how uncomfortable it feels. For you also have to manage your feelings. You have to navigate your feelings and the world at the same time. You have to locate a path forward through time that gets you from here to there. The path will be narrow and it will be yours alone. The paths of others might look more appealing but they are not for you. Your path will be yours because you will choose it. And in choosing it you will become responsible for it. You will be responsible for everything you do and everything you do not do. Others will see what you have done and they will judge you. To be completely consumed by anxiety is to be always focused on your responsibility and the choices you must make. It is to feel out of place in every moment of life.

143. If Only They Would Look

The studio is always bright in the early morning. She loves when the light comes in like this — a blanket of sun that covers the entire room. It brings the space alive, transforming it from the grungy concrete box that it is into a real place populated by real people who make and share and live. People like her.

Illuminated by the sunlight, the paint-covered walls become intriguing canvases. She feels inspired and wants to pick up a brush and get to work. But today she cannot. There is someone coming to look at some pieces she finished months ago.

142. Expanding Empathy

As my own empathy grows, the lack of empathy shown by others becomes more noticeable. I start to criticize them for being indifferent towards what seems like obvious suffering. I see them as lost in their own ignorance, as unwilling to even try to understand. And if they are particularly callous, I might even go so far as to declare them enemies of all that is right and good.

But when I do any of these things, I fail. Whenever I choose blame or hostility towards another person, I work against the very empathy I claim to support. The lack of empathy and compassion shown by others follows directly from their present situation. As long as they are in the grip of attachment to desires, aversions, and beliefs, their attention will be restricted and their awareness will remain narrow and limited. In such a state, they cannot do anything other than perpetuate suffering.

141. A Warning You Must Heed

You see how the world works and you want it to be different. You know there must be another way. A way that would be more equitable and just. A way that would greatly reduce unnecessary pain and suffering. A way that would provide more joyful and fulfilling lives for everyone. You want this better world but you aren’t sure how to create it.

You find yourself often thinking about the problem, but it always ends in frustration. There doesn’t seem to be anything you can do to create significant change in the world. You might be able to assist those at greatest risk in your own community, but at what personal cost? You would have to witness so much suffering, and even with immense effort you would only be able to alleviate a tiny fraction of their pain. Would you be able to handle that? Wouldn’t it slowly drain everything out of you, until there is nothing left?

140. The Cessation Of Suffering

The liberated body is sensitive to everything that happens in and around it, and it responds immediately in the ways it must. The liberated mind is aware and relaxed, empty of attachment and full of creative energy to solve the problems it encounters. Feelings and thoughts arise regularly but pass with ease. Intuitions born from awareness guide every action towards what is presently most needed. Desires, aversions, and beliefs are present, but there is no identification with them, as the harm of attachment is fully understood.

139. Excessive Skepticism

To respect the limits of knowledge, we must be skeptical. Skepticism reminds us to investigate the nature of all things, to see what holds up to inquiry and what might be unreliable. By questioning what we see and hear, we prevent ourselves from uncritically accepting what seems natural and necessary but is actually constructed and contingent. We reaffirm the uncertainty of our knowledge, and we stop ourselves from falling into the delusion that we know what we really do not know.

138. I Do Not Need To Know

I’m outside, sitting on a comfortable chair. It’s a lounger, so I’m almost lying down. The sun is oppressively hot but I’ve positioned myself in the shade of a huge tree, so the temperature is pleasant. There’s barely any wind and only a wisp or two of cloud in the sky. By my side, I have a cold sugary drink and the novel I’ve been reading. I should be able to relax.

137. From Intention To Attachment

There are always many different things I could do. After considering the available options, I choose one over the others, which means I form an intention to pursue it. I then do whatever is necessary to fulfill my intention. This is an entirely normal way to go about life, but it can also be problematic.

The problem originates in my closeness to the intention. I might see it as not just something I would like to do, but as something I must do. This means I’ve become attached to the intention. I identify with it, and as such, I see its fulfillment as necessary for my own fulfillment. I become my own manager, carefully directing my attention and controlling my actions to satisfy the intention.

136. The Missing Thing

There is something you can see that no one else sees. It’s missing from the world, but it’s real for you, and you think others should see it too. So you decide to make it into something real — you decide to create an artwork.

Your first attempt does not go well. The resulting work doesn’t seem to express what you’re trying to show. When you look at it, you can see the outlines of your idea, but others either can’t see it or they see something else entirely. You aren’t happy about this because you really want the missing thing to be seen.