198. The First Step

I can’t stay quiet for this to work. Getting to know someone means speaking to them. I have to keep talking. But to keep the words flowing is a struggle. Every silence fills me with dread because of the chance I might not escape it. I’m constantly scanning my memory for information and anecdotes to share. Sometimes there’s nothing forthcoming, not even a question to ask, and I panic. But then I’m rescued by the grace of the other. They offer up some words of their own and I’m instantly relieved. I try to keep every thread running for as long as I can but I always run out of string. Then the silence returns and so does my anxiety. I can think of questions to ask but they feel somehow inappropriate. They’re either too direct or too strange and my standing in the conversation feels far too perilous to venture such an attempt. I’m worried that saying something wrong will cause the other to pull away and then what? How could I possibly recover? Every word feels like a risk because I cannot know in advance how it will be received. I try to stick to simple subjects, to topics both inoffensive and pleasant. So far this is working but the conversation is also overwhelmingly boring. When would be a good time to inject some excitement? I don’t know and I’m bothered by this absence of knowledge. Perhaps there is no good time. Perhaps I just have to take the risk even though it’s scary. There’s no way to know where the other’s boundaries lie without testing them. But am I prepared for rebuke? Will I be able to withstand harsh criticism? I might withdraw so deeply into myself that I’ll be forced to abandon the conversation completely. But still I can’t shutdown in advance out of mere worry. The other seems so kind and friendly that such a devastating response seems unlikely. They would probably laugh off any unwanted words without a second thought. But hopefully that won’t be necessary. Hopefully they will not only accept what I say but also respond to it amicably. I would like this for it would mean we’re growing closer. But I can’t get there without trying. I have to take the first step. There is no other way.

197. To Live Without Thinking

To live without thinking feels dangerous. We’ve been taught to always think about what we’re doing in order to avoid harmful mistakes. We’ve been taught to carefully monitor ourselves to ensure we follow the norms of our society. We’ve been taught to review and evaluate our performance to know where we stand and how we should improve.

Reflection on our past and future actions is important for these and other reasons, but we also know there is such a thing as too much thinking. We can easily overthink a problem and become trapped in rumination, which prevents us from making a decision and taking necessary action.

196. The Only Way Is Trust

For a community to function, we have to trust that our agreements with others will hold. We have to believe that others will be where they have agreed to be and will do the things they have agreed to do.

To believe the opposite would not be practical. It would mean we would have to monitor other people constantly, just to ensure they uphold their agreements. We would always be worried that the other is about to betray us. We would retreat into ourselves, relying on nothing but our own perceptions, judgments, and feelings. We would quickly become paranoid about others, about our community, and even about the world itself.

195. The Aesthetics Of Love

To love someone is much more than merely to have an interest in them. I might be interested in you only because you have something I need, and I might seek you out just because you can fulfill some practical function for me. But love is not practical. I do not love you because of something you do for me or because of something I can get from you.

My love is based on something beyond what you do or what you have. Its foundation is the beauty of your being — a unique beauty that only you have. This beauty is not limited to your physical form. It includes everything beautiful in the totality of your being, everything from the way you smell in the morning, to the kinds of jokes you tell, to the way you say the word “butterfly”. It includes all of these things and it is also always more than I or anyone else can describe. I see your beauty and I cannot ignore it. I can only answer it with love.

194. Socially Necessary Pain

At some point in life, we will all have an experience where another person causes us to feel emotional pain. These experiences are sometimes as ordinary as someone making too much noise at night causing you to lie awake in frustration, and sometimes they are as heart-wrenching as someone telling you they no longer want you to be part of their life.

Experiences like these happen because we’ve collectively agreed that there are pain-causing actions we must be freely allowed to take in order for the social organism to function well. In the case of noise-making, we’ve decided that strictly policing rare occurrences of loud noise would too greatly restrict our freedom to enjoy ourselves. In the case of social rejection, we’ve decided that it’s a fundamental part of human relationships that we each have the freedom to choose whom we have them with.

193. The Lost Image

He wakes earlier than usual, feeling energized and well-rested. His eyes adjust quickly to the bright light pouring in through the single large window. It’s mid-summer and the sun is already well above the horizon.

He rises from the bed and dresses purposefully in his usual work attire. Opening the window, the crisp air of the morning fills the room. He feels refreshed in every way. He feels his body is capable and his mind is prepared.

192. A World Of Exaggeration

Everything you see is an exaggeration. This is because you are only seeing one side of things, while the other sides remain hidden. When you see only one side, you automatically expand that part to become the whole, filling in the blanks using your existing understanding. You might do this so well that you convince yourself you’re actually seeing the whole. But this is never the case. There is always more to reality than your current awareness can capture.

191. Creativity Is Compassion

Creative action is compassionate action. Every creative act makes explicit something that was previously unseen, and in doing so it helps those who encounter it see more of their own self and the world. By engaging with an artwork, we undergo a wholly new experience, which grants us an opportunity to become aware of what we have not already noticed. What is created by the artist is not just a physical artwork, but a broader awareness in the audience of what exists and what is possible in life.

190. The Search For Style

The artist’s concern is always style. It is the style of an artwork that most grants it aesthetic value, and it is this value that we most appreciate. The artist wants to develop a style that is beautiful so that the works they create will be popular and loved.

But the artist only ever has one style available to them. It’s the style that emerges directly from the sincere expression of their aesthetic intuitions. These intuitions arise out of the totality of the artist’s experience. This includes the works of other artists they have seen and their own history of art making, but it’s also more. It is all of the events of the artist’s life, all of their feelings and thoughts and perceptions, all of their memories and dreams, all of their judgments and values. In other words, the artist’s unique style is a reflection of their own composite humanity.