425. Catastrophic Thinking

A problem can seem bigger than it actually is. Engulfed in uncertainty, I can’t see where it begins or ends, so my imagination transforms it into a monster. I know that everything uncertain is also unbounded, which causes me to jump directly to the worst case scenario: the problem is actually huge — so big that I will never be able to solve it.

The extent of my concern arises from the human ability to extrapolate. This ability is helpful when it comes to understanding the world, as it allows for the consideration of even the most extreme possibilities. But in all cases, the most worrying possibility is total catastrophe, so I automatically assign this outcome to any problem with unknown dimensions.

424. A Beautiful Bomb

Nothing less than a world-destroyer will do. You’ve set this incredible standard for yourself because you know you’ll never succeed without it. You’ll be distracted into thinking about things that aren’t worth thinking about. You’ll end up pursuing some lesser idea that won’t solve anything. You’ll falsely believe that you’re creating something great when you’re not.

To prevent such an outrageous disaster, you’ve set goals for your creative work. Every idea is given a rank — world-destroyer is the highest one. It’s called world-destroyer because that is what such an idea is supposed to do. At least, were adequate resources and time invested in it, it would theoretically be capable of fulfilling its task of total destruction.

423. Evasive Constructions

There is something that I know I must do. I have no doubt about its necessity. Not doing it almost guarantees harm for me and possibly for others, which means it must be done. This is perfectly clear.

Still, I don’t want to do it. I would much rather do something I enjoy, and the thing I must do is not at all enjoyable. It will be a struggle, and haven’t I already struggled enough? How much struggle can one person be expected to take on? Questions like these suggest the possibility that I do not need to do what I feel I must.

422. One-Sided Awareness

You’re paying attention to the world around you. You know what’s going on and you can see all of the problems, near and far, present and approaching. You know there is suffering everywhere. You can see that life is an incredible struggle for so many people and that it is likely to get worse.

The future looks unmistakably bleak. Instead of problems being solved and suffering reduced, it seems more likely that problems will multiply and suffering will expand. It feels almost impossible not to feel pessimistic, and not just about the world at large, but about your own life as well.

421. Meaning In Life

Human beings need meaning. We not only perceive the world around us, we also perceive value: we reflect on our perceptions and judge certain things to be better for us than others. Everything that carries value we also take to be important, good, and meaningful. And only what is meaningful feels worthy of our pursuit or support.

We need meaning not just in the objects we find and the events we experience but in ourselves as well. The absence of meaning in life would seem to make everything we do unnecessary, including being alive at all. A life devoid of meaning is not one we would want to have. As such, meaning becomes a demand we make on life itself.

420. Pointing To Reality

Reading a text that describes the beauty of a summer day, we automatically begin to imagine it. The warm breeze, the sound of a fountain running, the air rich with the scent of growth, the blinding sunlight, the taste of ice cream — through words, these things can come to life as though we were actually experiencing them. But if we were then asked if our imagined experience was real, we would likely respond that it was not.

419. Bad Experiences

An experience occurred. It happened. I also acknowledge that it happened to me, but I refuse to think about it in that way. Doing so would make it too intimate, and I don’t want that because the experience was not a good one.

In fact, it was positively horrible. It showed me something about the world that I didn’t want to know. But even worse than that, it showed me something about myself that I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know it because knowing is inescapable. Now I have to do something with this new knowledge.

418. This And That

When he hears that name it always takes a moment for its meaning to register. That it refers to him is not immediately apparent. The name is one he no longer uses for himself. Still, there are many others who know him by it, so he continues to respond to it.

He continues to participate in the system of which the old name is a part. He could stop participating, since he has no great attachment to that name, but he isn’t sure he wants to do this. To him it would mean making a hard break with his past self. A break that he sometimes feels strongly, but which is not part of the system that connects him with others.

417. An Endless Project

The range of our awareness is always unknown. We might feel we are fully aware of a particular experience only to later realize that there is more to it than we thought. We might feel that our actions towards others are compassionate only to discover they do not seem to meet anyone’s needs. We might feel we know how to share our awareness with others only to find that we cannot communicate it easily.